Grow Up
by Silverflare07
Summary: Ash muses to himself, and a sleeping Misty, that he isn't ready for the more 'grownup' relationship Misty wants, no matter how much he wants to give it to her... one shot


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Pokemon. Trust me, if I did you'd all know it.

**Title: **Grow Up

**Summary: **Ash muses to himself, and a sleeping Misty, that he's not ready for the more 'grown-up' relationship he knows Misty wants, no matter how much he wants to give it to her. –one shot-

**Author: **Silverflare07

**Dedication: **Uh, no dedication this time. I guess it can be dedicated to you!

**Author's Notes: **Okay...I always felt/noticed that Ash is still like a little kid, even though he's saved the world like 6 times now. But still, Misty always seemed more ready to be something with Ash then he was. But he does appear to return her feelings just not to the same degree...yet.

**Stuff You Need to Know: **

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

L7

Ash stared into flickering flames of the campfire, almost like there was something so captivating in its depths, dancing with the flames, that he just couldn't look away. The golden light reflected in his warm chocolate brown eyes, who were usually home to a spark of determination and joy and that never seemed to go out. Tonight, however, they housed a more dark, and serious look.

The source of his concentration and thought lay sleeping on the ground just on the other side of the fire, the tip of her red ponytail peeking out from the warm depths of the blankets. Misty sighed and snuggled deeper into her sleeping bag causing Ash to look up for the first time since he'd begun staring at the fire.

The petite redhead, who was tough as nails and had an attitude to match, caused so much confusion in the boy that it was wonder he was still sane. It amazed him how she could set him off so quickly. One minute he was furious with her and the next they were laughing happily about this or that.

And how when she smiled it made his stomach leap. And how he was happiest when her cerulean eyes sparkled with joy, as long as it was for him that is. Misty was easily his best friend. Out of all the traveling companions he seemed to acquire she was the one he enjoyed having around the most.

Because Misty kept things interesting. She always kept him on his toes. He never knew what kind of mood she would be in. She changed as quickly as the weather. One minute bright and sunny then the next a raging thunderstorm out to destroy anything in it's path. It was a challenge.

And Ash loved challenges.

Maybe that's why he had a crush on her. Maybe that's why she made the butterflies in his stomach flitter and prance like they did. Ash sighed as Misty turned over in her sleep.

He knew Misty had feelings for him too. He wasn't _that_ dense. Okay so it had taken a little while but still, he'd figured it out eventually. All those romantic dreams Misty spoke of were about him, he knew that. He had been glad when he'd first figured it out. Relieved that she felt the same way.

But then he watched her feelings for him grow and deepen. He knew what Misty wanted. She wanted a real relationship, they kind in those romance books she was always reading. She wanted him to hold her, and kiss her, and shower her with love and affection, and maybe the occasional piece of jewelry.

It made Ash's stomach flip when he thought about it. He _wanted_ to kiss Misty, and hold her hand and be the perfect boyfriend. When he thought about it, it seemed like the easiest thing in the world to do.

It was so easy to walk up behind her and pull her close, nuzzling his face in her hair and telling her he loved her. It was so simple to walk up and kiss her, run his fingers through her hair and whisper how beautiful she was. It was so easy to do..._other things_ with her when it was in his mind.

It was when he tried to act them out that he choked.

Every time he'd come close to telling her he returned her unspoken feelings he suddenly found himself quite incapable of speech. Every time he worked up the nerve to attempt to kiss her his stomach would churn and he'd retreat. Most people called it nerves but Ash knew himself better then that.

Ash knew he just wasn't ready for that. Just wasn't 'grown-up' enough for what Misty wanted. What Misty deserved. His number 1 priority was still Pokemon for Pikachu's sake! Although Misty was a close second.

Not matter how much he wanted to be with her the way she wanted to be with him he just couldn't be. Not yet. That was why he kept Misty so close to his side. So he could be there to keep others away from her. She was _his_, and no one else's.

Ash sighed again. He was being selfish and he knew that. He could never give Misty what she wanted, not now, and she did deserve to be happy. She was so incredible that it was probably a sin to keep her from happiness. It wasn't as if he could expect Misty to just sit around and wait for him...

...Like she'd been doing for almost 4 years.

Ash sighed. Misty may have been helping him to achieve his dreams but he certainly wasn't helping her achieve hers. He knew that, more then anything, even being a water Pokemon master, Misty wanted to be in love. It was just a girl thing.

_I'm just making it harder for her. I go and act like a jealous, overprotective, idiot every time she gets a chance to be with someone then I turn around and act like I'd do it for Brock. I'm just going to make her miserable...she'd be better off without me._

He knew Misty would never leave, not of her own free will. She cared about him too much and he took comfort in that fact. She would always be there even if it hurt her. Ash knew about that too. It killed Misty to just stand there and be his friend, when she clearly wanted to be more. It slowly tore her up inside and yet she never left. Maybe that would hurt worse.

_But maybe... no matter how much it hurts...she needs to..._

Ash swallowed the lump that was building up in his throat. He felt tears beginning to sting at his eyes. He hadn't cried when they'd parted ways the first time but maybe that was because he wasn't the one leaving.

_She deserves to be happy..._ His face was set with grim determination. _And until I'm ready to do that...she should be allowed to..._

The image of Misty, her eyes shinning for some other boy, flashed through his mind and he clenched his fists. He knew he had no right to feel the anger coursing through him. He had never claimed Misty has his own and he wouldn't be doing so anytime soon...but he did anyways.

The thought that he would return to her only to find that someone else had taken his place in her heart was more then he could stand. _But more then anything...I want Misty to be happy._

He blinked in surprise at the sudden thought. Until now he'd always wanted her to be there with him, no matter what. To wait for him until he was ready. But now he realized that, more then anything, he wanted her to be happy. And right now he couldn't make her happy.

_Maybe when we get to Cerulean City...I'll let her stay there...I'll go on a new journey. A journey to grow up, there_ is _more to life then pokemon battles...and I'll learn that someday._

Of course, he reasoned with himself, she'll probably have found someone else. But it was worth the risk because if she hadn't...if she was still waiting for him...he'd finally be ready to be everything she wanted. And so much more.

Of course, more likely then not, she would find someone new. Someone better then him. His slight smile turned grim. This was a no win situation no matter how he looked at it. Either she kept being miserable till he was finally ready to grow-up, or he gave her away and hoped against hope that she would still be waiting for him when he was ready.

The unfairness of the whole situation made him growl and slam his fist against the log he was sitting on. The sudden noise made Misty stir and she lifted her head and looked at the boy quizzically though sleepy eyes.

"Ash?"

Ash looked up and gave a small, sheepish smile. "Sorry Myst."

Misty nodded. Her confused look melted into one of concern. "If everything alright?"

"It's fine." Ash replied, even though it wasn't.

Misty nodded again and her head began to droop. Noticing this Ash smiled softly. "Go back to sleep Myst."

She nodded again and her head hit the pillow with a soft thud. Ash's soft smile turned sad. "I promise everything will be fine."

_Someday Myst, I promise, I'll come back and be the kind of guy you deserve._

He hung his head.

_I just hope it won't be too late._

L7

It feels good to write a pokeshpping fic. It's been awhile since I last wrote one. This one was a little sadder then my other ones but I've been feeling kinda sad lately so I guess that shouldn't surprise me.

This was a sort of warm-up for the multi-chapter fic I plan on writing (which will be happier then this.

R&R! I live for reviews!


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